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A Fed Up Letter to an Addict

Sometimes we just can’t grasp it. We don’t understand. We don’t walk in the shoes of those that are addicts.

But we wonder why? Why choose addiction over love?

Do you ever notice those addicted have a harder time loving?

Do you know what really makes me sad?

You see, I hear about families all of the time that their mother or father died of sudden cancer or children are ill from a disease or they have a family member in a freak accident that ended up taking the life of a precious soul.

Those are ALL things that people didn’t CHOOSE.

That’s why I hate addiction. I hate everything about it. As much as it is a choice, it still feels like a nasty scary cancer that spreads. It spreads to every family member affected.

It hurts.

What does God ask us to do? He wants us to love unconditionally.

But boundaries have to be set. I am NOT God so I just ask him to help me and any of you struggling for strength and for him to tell you what you can handle.

I have handled a lot. I love everything about ME because of what I have been through.

But I HATE everything about ADDICTION.

It’s sick. It’s sad. I just don’t get it.

I know addiction surrounds many of us & it is hard to love your mom, dad, brother, sister, friend, aunt etc. through it but LOVE is the only thing I know that makes it just a little bit better.

I debated whether I wanted to write this to all of you. I want to fill this world with positivity and change but at the same time I want to be real.

Life is not perfect. I am struggling with addiction. & it’s not mine which is the worst part about it. If it were mine, I could make the CHOICE to fix it. But I can’t. I never will be able to change some one else but I know that I can love them.

If you are an addict, you need to know that it affects others MORE than you will ever know. We don’t feel the numbness the drugs and alcohol give you. We have to feel it all! We feel every single bad decision you make. As we are here in reality and you aren’t.

Let me ask you if you are the addict:

  1. Why can’t you change?

  2. What deeper issues do you need help with so that you can stop feeling numb and start living?

  3. Is it worth it? (Your kids, your brothers and sisters, your grandkids, your friends…. you cause them pain while you stay numb)

As much as I want to suggest that the addict needs love and grace, I also have a feeling of frustration with them that I can’t deny. As much as I want them to be loved, I have feelings of resentment too.

I want them to be hurt… But guess what?

They DO hurt, already. That’s what has made them addicts.  The only way they can cope is to be numb. & that is sad.

If you are affected by the behaviors of an addict, I am sorry. I truly feel sad for them and for you. I want you to know that you need to use this for the lesson. Although it’s not ideal, addiction teaches you many things that most don’t truly understand, feel or learn until they are much older.

It teaches you that every moment is just that, a moment.

It teaches you that life is ONLY about choices, where you are at now is because of that alone.

It teaches you how to love when it’s not easy. If you can love an addict, you can love every type of person unconditionally.

It teaches you that life is short so soak up the afternoons with your nieces and nephews, take that trip and do something that scares you, in the best way possible. Wear something that makes you feel good. Stop caring about what everyone thinks and do more of what makes YOU happy. 

I guess when I think about all of the lessons I have learned, the biggest one is that I can’t change anyone. That freaking sucks. I want to fix people, I want to help people, I really really really really really do!

But it’s up to them first. Just like with a healthy diet or new workout regimen, if someone isn’t ready then they don’t see change.

It’s the same for addiction times one million!!!

 They have to decide. They have to decide every morning to stay sober for the rest of their lives! 

This is an entirely different subject but the very worst about addiction is how manipulative it makes people that you care so deeply for. You think they have changed. You think the millions of hours of love and effort you put towards them has changed them…….

But it doesn’t…

I suggest that THEY spend millions of hours working on their deeper rooted issues before you step in with your time.. Trust me, it will save you a lot of pain.

That hurts. The millions of hours I have stayed up at night wondering about an addict hasn’t done anything for them…. it’s only hurt me.

So all of this to say, I love you… addict or not.

But for the addicts, when you are ready… EVERYONE in your life is ready!!!!!!!!!!!

For those affected by an addict, love as much as you can. Tough love is real. Ask God, the universe, whatever power you believe in to tell you how much you can love and where to set boundaries.

And for anyone who is maybe battling depression, anxiety, past experiences but isn’t using drugs or alcohol to numb it, I really want to say that you are so strong!!! I believe in your healing through taking care of yourself. Meditating, journaling, reading… whatever keeps you sane, do more of it!


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